Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Books you wouldn't expect to read anytime soon

I just finished reading Airman, yet another classic by Eoin Colfer, and I'm not being dramatic by saying that that was probably the best piece of fiction I've ever read. So understandably, I'm feeling somewhat book-ish. So without further ado:

How to Give Awe Inspiring Speeches in Public by Mohamed Nasheed "Anni"

Frugal Living by Maumoon Abdul Gayyoom

An In-Depth Look Into the Quantum Phenomena by Ali Seezan

A Man For All Islands: Umar Naseer, a biography by Royston Ellis

Your Guide To Beating Narcissism by Cristiano Ronaldo

Laugh Out Loud Jokes by Ayatollah Khomeini

How to Sustain An Active Lifestyle During Your Latter Years by Ariel Sharon

A Guide to English Vocabulary by George W Bush

Grab Votes; 101 Ways to Become Popular Amongst the Public by Ibrahim Ismail

Silence is Golden: The Virtues of Keeping Your Trap Shut by Mohamed Nasheed (former Information Minister)

The Many Different Contraceptive Methods by the Pope

Good Career Moves I've Made So Far and How You Can Learn From Them by Ali Ashfaq

An honorable mention:
This one is actually real believe it or not..

Feel free to add your suggestions. I'm looking forward to them.


Anonymous said...

Fun, and so true..
Although I have to admit, I don't get no.3, about quantum phenomena

nass said...

Hahah. Nice ones.
Ashfag should really write that book.

nass said...

I have one for ya:

"Mind games for Dummies" - by Rafa Benitez

DCJ said...

Ha ha ha. You just made my day. Thanks for sharing this inspirational post.

Control Freak said...

ah yes nass...why rafa had to come up with that at this time of the season is beyond me..

Anonymous said...

The Quran - by Mohammed

That one's real too.

DCJ said...

Too real in fact for my taste.

Control Freak said...

Anonymous: If you're implying that the Quran wasn't written by Muhammad (pbuh) you're absolutely right. It's something that is agreed by all Muslims. You've to be a little smarter than that to leave witty comments.

Anonymous said...

The Imaginary World of an Arab Schizophrenic - collected by Uthman bin Affan

DCJ said...

Anonymous above: you are absolutely right.

If you read Aldus Huxley's 'The Doors of Perception', you would know that Mohamed was in a trance and hallucinating because his history shows that he fasted every three days which is enough to make someone hallucinate.

All these holy books are the works of schizophrenic human minds. God gave us a brain so what's the point of choosing some CHOSEN PEOPLE as 'Prophets' when he can easily communicate with us all 'cos I am sure God's mind would have enough bandwidth to receive our prayers and also communicate all his messages with all of us.

Humanity can come to peace only when people can differentiate between God and religion. Both are not the same 'cos religion obviously did not come from God 'cos he gave us a brain instead. Religion and these so-called 'holy books' and 'prophets' which gave birth to religions are the root cause of all evils affecting humans.

Control Freak said...

Oh, pathetic. Prophets didn't give birth to religions. The people that God chose as prophets were the purest, the people with the best character and morals. If you pore water down a dirty pipe, you can't expect to receive clean water out of the other end. If you gave as much attention to the Quran as you did to the crackpot Aldus Huxley you wouldn't be saying such stuff. The Quran certainly cannot be the work of a human being due to a variety of reasons:

1. The Arabic language is known for its grandeur and poetry. So it was no surprise that those days there were a lot of poets. But even they were mind boggled by the grandeur in which the Quran was presented. From the first word to the last, the language in which the book was presented was as poetic and free-flowing as a language could get.

2. Despite all the attempts by skeptics such as yourself, not a single grammatical error could be found within the whole book. There was no such things as Microsoft Word those days to keep the book error free.

3. The verses in the Quran wasn't revealed in the order in which they are today. They were only revealed when the right circumstance arose. However, if you read the book today you would be under the impression that you were reading something continuous because of the flow.

4. All the scientific facts presented in the book. Just look at a few of those:

If you're saying that religion is the root cause of all evil, then I suppose then why is it that the holy books:

- prohibit drinking, while the non-religious are often seen staggering around the streets
- prohibit usury and gambling while the non-religious squander money they should be spending on their survival
- prohibit the killing of the innocent while thousands of murders take place every single day
- prohibit illicit sex while kids who're born without the knowledge of who their parents are, are ever increasing

Just a few examples to state that religion is not to blame for the problems. But of course, the only religion that is acceptable in front of Allah is Islam.

And to the anonymous commenter, you're saying that Uthman bin Affan compiled the Quran? Well then, WRONG! During his time, Islam had spread to places from Azerbaijan to China, and he discovered that the pronunciation of the Quran was getting diverse from location to location. So he set up a team to compile the Quran. He didn't change it's contents, but merely asked them to add accent marks, or in Dhivehi, the 'fili' to the letters so that we know how to pronounce the words in the correct way. And you suggest the Caliph and all the other decent folk of being Schizophrenic, eh? Well, they've been accused of having almost all the mental illnesses in the world now. I'm sure that you don't believe half of what you say.

DCJ said...

With all due respect Control Freak I can't believe you really believe or mean much of what you said.

Many literary errors have been found in the Quran but Maldivians may be ignorant of this because our media and government makes sure such information does not reach us.

And even if it reaches us, you can be sure they will distort the truth and say it is all lies.

For example, TVM projects Harun Yahya as an angel when many scientists have shown that his book Atlas Shrugged has many faked and distorted information.

Why nobody bothers to reproduce something like the Quran is because there is no need to. Right-thinking people never respected it in the first place because everything pertaining to humanity projected in the Quran is irrational and badly out-of-date. The Quran gives only half-hearted rights to women and is completely neglecting of child rights.

Here's another strong point against the authenticity of the Quran as the work of God but the work of a patriarchal homophobic racist and Arab-centric tribal power-monger schizophrenic called Mohamed: the Quran doesn't recognise rape, much less the concept of marital rape.

It is later Islamic scholars who embraces the concept of rape by interpreting certain phrases of the Quran to mean that rape is condemned by the Quran. If Islamic apologists like this exist everywhere in the world, of course all legal issues pertaining to humanity can be brought under the umbrella of the Quran. But the blatant truth is, given that the Quran is more than 300 pages, it is just the ranting and repetition of same concepts such as the presumed narcissism and sadistic nature of God ("Worship me or otherwise you will punished eternally"). If God wrote those 300 pages I am sure he would have tackled all issues related to humanity to make it relevant till the Judgment Day.

It's time we separated God from religion which is giving us such a bad image of God. These so-called schizophrenic 'prophets' are nothing more than frauds who are giving God a bad name. If psychiatrists existed in their era I am sure they would have a field day.

Control Freak said...

I'll highlight the points you've stated separately since it'll be easier for both of us. I'll also post a few links that you can refer to, consisting of articles written by people with much greater knowledge of the religion than myself.

First of all, Harun Yahya is a human being, not God and thus he is prone to making mistakes. Even the most prominent Islamic scholars who came after the generation of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) often asked their students to not over-rely on them, and to discard anything doubtful until proven, i.e. not blindly following everything they explained, especially ones that sound doubtful to you unless specifically proven and agreed upon in the religion. However, that does not mean that we should stop listening to Harun Yahya entirely, but to be wary, to always keep caution. He is, after all, one of the few who're dedicated to spreading the truth in modern day secularist Turkey, a country that is currently stuck in limbo.

About the Quran containing literary errors; the answer is that it does not. This misconception arose when the Crusaders (and some modern day non-Muslims who attempt to interpret the Quran) read the translations of the book. We musn't forget that, when anything is translated from one language to another, the precise meanings cannot be perfectly conveyed. I've seen many of these so-called errors and consulted several experts on the Arabic language, and they all have very valid counterarguments for each and every problem. This is why learning Arabic is, though not obligatory, highly encouraged to Muslims. The Arabic language is a symbol of Islam, similar to the importance of Hebrew in Judaism.

As for accusing the Quran of providing, as you've stated, "half-hearted rights to women and is completely neglecting of child rights", well you cannot be more mistaken. See the following links to yourself:

Islam does not permit racism; in fact, even tribalism and family status has no space in the way of life. This is the reason why people from so many diverse backgrounds accept Islam.

Quran does not give a full blown explanation of rape, that is why that Muslims should refer to Muhammad's (pbuh) hadith. If it is not specifically mentioned in the hadith then the third tier of Islamic jurisdiction is applied; Ijtihaad. This means that a group of well-learned (preferably by-hearted the Quran and more than a hundred thousand hadith), well-respected scholars meet and applies a status (eg: haram, halal, mustahabb, mubaah etc) in such a way that it does not contradict the solutions for similar problems described in the Quran and Hadith. A basic example of Ijtihaad is the declaration of recreational drugs as Haraam, since when used, it has similar effects to khamr (liquid alcohol). Scholars are today agreed upon the fact that rape comes under "making mischief in the lands." Such crimes are punishable by execution, and this applies to criminals such as drug dealers, murderous gangsters, rapists etc.

You're absolutely right in saying that the Quran does not contain detailed explanations, maps, charts, diagrams etc. That is because the Quran is a book of signs, it contains proofs, revelations etc, ways in which you can understand the relationship between you and your creator. Of course God could have easily planted all the right knowledge in our minds and made us all be obedient if He willed. But, that is where we humans differ from other creatures. We've been given the ability of rational thinking and logic to an extent that no other creature on earth possesses. We're supposed to find out the signs on our own, and that is the purpose of life; to find out the signs and to worship our Lord who created the universe and everything beyond, and goodness me aren't there so many signs, we can never stop learning of Islam until the day we die!

To say that God is narcissistic and sadistic? If He were sadistic don't you think we'll be punished every time we committed an error here on earth? Why do you think we've been promised the Day of Judgement if He is sadistic? It is, after all, a day in which all the wrongdoers will be punished as they deserve to be, and all the pious will be rewarded justly. Only someone utterly deluded will believe that total justice can be achieved on earth. Look at the USA, where top personalities always seem to be caught in wrongdoing, but are always wriggled out of sticky situations by their silver-tongued lawyers. And finally, if God is sadistic, why have we all been given the opportunity to repent?

You're saying that certain verses in the Quran give God a narcissistic appearance? I can explain why He has urged us to worship him several times within the course of the book; it's because we're His slaves. Slaves, as you know, are required to do what their master commands them to do; our master is Allah (literally means the One True God). Although certain people with egos too big for their own good have always had a hard time grasping this simple fact.

Finally, I want to dispel the impression you have of prophets being frauds. I think you're thinking about the likes of Mirza Ghulam Ahmad, Sabbati Levi, Robert Koresh etc, but we all know they were frauds. You don't know enough about the real Messengers of God, about their lives, the miracles which they performed. What better way is there than God sending human beings to pass the message to their fellow humans? Prophets are the perfect epitomes of human beings which we can look up to. They're overflowing with all the good qualities that God has given us; sincerity, trustworthiness, love, compassion, truthfulness, wisdom, and the list goes on. It is the prophets who are supposed to be our role models, not some pot smoking, fornicating rock star.

Finally, I urge you to get rid of your prejudices and misconceptions, clear your mind look deep into Islam before you make random comments. Read without being determined to find errors and without any bias about the religion. By doing this you can either

1. Learn more about the people following it
2. Understand the truth or
3. Both

What can possibly go wrong?

Anonymous said...

On how to deal with child-brides by Mohammed

Control Freak said...

Ah, I was hoping you would say that. The issue of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) getting married to 9 year old Aisha (r.a) has always been considered a hot topic by skeptics such as yourself. We Muslims though are utterly bewildered by the baseless accusations that you throw at us. See the following articles for yourself:

Anonymous said...

My Sexy Slaves - M. bin Abudlla (authoritarian erotica)

Control Freak said...

Alas, the issue of slavery. You lot from the Kemal Ataturk Brigade are so predictable; you keep hurling the same questions at us over and over and over (repeat loop an infinite number of times) again even though we're capable of polishing the questions with answers and hurling them back at you lot.

Anyway, slavery. If you think Islam was the only religion in the world that permitted slavery, and that slavery is now eradicated from the world then you're obviously mistaken.

There was a huge difference in the way Muslims and non-Muslims treated their slaves. While millions upon millions of (mainly) African slaves were stolen from the continent and ferried across to Europe and the Americas, where they were accused of having no souls, were subjected to weeks of starvation and imprisonment and false insulting theories (, the ones who fell under the hands of Muslims were given access to all the basic human rights. That included the rights that are required by every human being, i.e, food, water, clothing, shelter and sexual pleasure. Of course the phrase sexual pleasure is jumped upon by many of the perverted minds these days, who frankly don't have enough space left in their brains to think about much else, and are then seen running around the streets in obvious delight yelling, "ABUSE! ABUSE BY THE MUSLIMS!"

But anyway, we need sexual pleasure the same way as food, water and sleep. God has provided us with a set of rules on how we are supposed to fulfill such desires. To protect slaves from immorality, the masters have this obligation. And contrary to popular belief, slavery in Islam was not for the sole purpose for sex. That is called sex trafficking which we see in the world today. Though of course, speaking of basic human rights, freeing a slave is considered a most righteous act of worship in Islam. In fact, as Muslims became more powerful materialistically, the need for slavery began to wane, and today slavery is not nearly as widespread in the Islamic world as it used to be. The biggest culprit of slave labour today may possibly be China.

Thailand, and many other countries enslave women to work in brothels.
Also, there's the following rather interesting statement.
“Annually, according to U.S. Government-sponsored research completed in 2006, approximately 800,000 people are trafficked across national borders, which does not include millions trafficked within their own countries. Approximately 80 percent of transnational victims are women and girls and up to 50 percent are minors,” reports the US Department of State in a 2008 study.

And finally, let me tell you this. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) didn't randomly select young girls as his slaves even though I know that the Kemal Ataturk Brigade are desperate to believe otherwise.
You can read the following articles, which are probably clearer than the explanation I've given. Unless of course, you're too chicken to read them and prefer to remain ignorant.

Anonymous said...

My Existential Crisis by Alloahu

Anonymous said...

It's useless to argue with a believer in religion. Since they chose to believe in this irrationality every right-thinking person knows as religion, believers make every effort not to break away from their self-contained delusion. So they will give all kinds of apologist answers defending religion which will only make sense to them and nobody else. The fact that believers can believe in some message brought about by a prophet is fantastic enough given that this message and prophet's authenticity cannot be verified independently by anybody else. That's the 'beauty' of religion. You have to stop thinking and embrace it by blind faith. Like believing in magic and fairies. What's the difference? Religion is just another superstition or pseudo-science. We are only wasting our time giving attention to things that cannot be verified. The very revelation that people like Control Freak can embrace Creationism, which aggravates the existential problem of Who designed God that gets us stuck in an infinite regress, shows that believers are only giving lip service to thinking. People like my parents are happy to give some off hand answer like "God always existed" and do away with it, which cannot satisfy any rational mind. How can God have always existed? However great God is it doesn't make sense that he created himself. Or he was always there? What the hell does that mean?

If my parents can stop thinking at the point where "God has always existed" why cant they also stop at the point where "Universe has always existed." At least this universe is observable to us. But God isn't. So what's the point in going as far as God? I personally think that this God is almost certainly unlikely to exist due to the above reasons, and even if he does, as far as I am concerned, we don't have to concern ourselves whether he exists or not because so far as I know he has never communicated with any of us (I don't remember him talking to me, or inspiring me or communicating with me in a dream or trance), and it's better we go on solving the problems in our daily lives and lead a happy life, without interfering with the lives of our fellow human beings.

Control Freak said...

First of all, you're accusing me of being a blind believer. Well, there goes any little respect I had left of you right out the window. You see, I've researched extensively, read all about Islam and various other religions, secularist books and articles, listened and even mingled with people of other faiths during the time I spent in England and have concluded that Islam truly is the only real way of life. You're constantly moaning about us believers not checking the facts so that was a little hypocritical of you.

Blind faith does not always apply to believers. It also applies to people such as you, atheists. You've embraced the secularist ideology without any second thoughts. The idea of "Freedom for all!!!" is undoubtedly very appealing, and you're definitely among the poor souls who've been brainwashed. I'm pretty certain that you never stopped to think why the human race is losing its discipline. Of course you're going to bark out, "Religion is to blame! Religion is the root of all problems!", and yes, there're certain fanatics that we dislike, but I've already written on that particular topic.

Secularism has created the "Life is short, enjoy it" and "My life is none of your business" ideologies so that societies are now on the verge of collapse. People have become so independent-minded that helping one another is considered a waste of time.

You're saying that God doesn't exist, and that we should lead our lives without interfering with the lives of our fellow human beings. Fine then, no one asked you to come here and "interfere" on my blog. But since you did, I'm going to "interfere" with your ideology and ask you a few questions.

- We both believe in the big bang theory, which is incidentally mentioned in the Quran, way before the likes of Hubble, Einstein and Plank performed their genius talents. In that theory it is said that the universe was initially a single point, a primeval atom. My question is, how did the atom get there? How did everything begin?

Atheists such as yourself have always had the impression that God should have come to being. Well, sorry but God is not a materialistic being. We humans are accustomed to witnessing things begin and end. Everything has a beginning, whether its the life of a human being, a star or whatever, and everything ends, death and decomposition etc. That is the nature of materials. God is not materialistic. You've watched too many cartoons, where I'm sure you must've seen the way God is depicted in them. You know, as an extremely tall old man with a white beard, who'll answer each and every plea from you by speaking with you directly. Reminds me of the Genie in Aladdin.

It is, however, clearly stated in the Quran that there is nothing in the universe that is comparable to Him. We've been given the ability to visualize what is around us, and all we see are materialistic things. That was how we were created. Try as we might, we will NEVER be able to see how God looks like during our lives. Only those who enter paradise will be the ones lucky enough to do that. That is why we've been given the Signs. Those who believe them and cling to them, and obey the instructions given to us by Him via his faithful prophets and books will ultimately end up being the winners.

Oh, and you also seem to be under the impression that God is part of the universe? Well, the Quran states that He is high above in his Throne (you, being narrow minded, will now be wondering how the throne looks like). The universe is only part of his creation, and will be destroyed when the Hour comes. God has no beginning and no ending, whatever you might say.

The Kemal Ataturk Brigade, which of course you're part of, never bothers to at least read the materials that we Muslims read. You always end up siding up with a fellow crackpot whose poor research into our religion has led you all nowhere. Why can't you just read and listen from the scholars, without all the pre-conceived bias and misconceptions? It's almost as though you lot are afraid of being convinced of the truth.

I've left some URLs in the previous comments that will lead you to articles which may help you with all your questions, that is, if you're not cowardly enough to actually bother to do some research. Here're a couple of videos that I found to be very good viewing:

Anonymous said...

Secularists are the real humanists. Case in point: when the tsunami hit it was the atheist West which gave Asia much needed aid because they were not clouded by religion and they saw humans as humans regardless of religion.

Our Middleast Muslim Arab "brother" and "sisters" more or less did not give anything. I am sure because they were wearing the spectacle of religion, they failed to see humans as humans, and rather blinded by their superiority of their own religion, thought that other people of different faiths needed to be "punished by God" for believing in different religions or indulging in harmless activities that Islam considers haram for some twisted self-righteous reason.

You researched a lot, eh? And after much scholarship and academic thinking, you "deduced" that Islam was the true path eh? Well, after much deducing and scholarly study my kid sister has also concluded that the Little Mermaid and the Last Unicorn exists. You are missing the point here: how much scholarly work you undertake, religions like all pseudo-sciences does not have a rational, or even scientific basis, and the best we can say about it is that since it came through the medium of human beings (call them 'prophets' if you will), nobody is required to follow it, except of course those people would would like to believe in fantasies that would give "their own desired meaning and purpose to life."

Without wearing the spectacle of religion, any sane human can come to the conclusion that as creative and intelligent beings, with no external force directly communicating with us, all we can do is create, work, and enjoy the little pleasures of our life before we die and return to earth.

You still don't understand the nature of the atom do ya? It's not a "thing" as you imagine. So it wasn't created. If you can't grasp the nature of the atom, it's quite understandable why you believe in a god and religion and why you can't see anything else. That's why I said in the first place that debating with a religious mind is useless.

Which brings me to your interesting statement that God is not a materialistic being. What the hell is that? If he is of no substance, he is empty space, so he might as well not exist. We think of "beings" as something that exist, not empty space which means that nothing exists there. Or if you want to call space as something that exists, then I guess all the empty space can be called god, or the supernatural, or whatever.

I can assure you I have done more than enough research. I have read all the 'holy books' translations and also all the Hadith books by Bukhari and Muslim. So I know exactly the kind of mind games that 'prophets', who are genius schizophrenics, are able to play to hijack the minds of people who are insecure about their immortality.

If you had kept your blog private, or even if you had made your blog public, the fact that you are allowing us to comment is because you want to visitors to comment. If you only like comments that please you or affirm your blind faith, just say so on the front page, or disable the comment function or moderate your comments so that you can filter what you like and what you don't.

Anonymous said...

My Secret Life as a drag queen - ibn Baaz

amy said...

[Quran 002.006] Verily, those who disbelieve, it is the same to them whether you (O Muhammad [sal-Allâhu 'alayhi wa sallam]) warn them or do not warn them, they will not believe.

[Quran 002.007] Allâh has set a seal on their hearts and on their hearing, (i.e. they are closed from accepting Allâh's Guidance), and on their eyes there is a covering. Theirs will be a great torment.

Anonymous, (and DCJ), whether you believe in the Quran (and Islam) or not, I don't care! But the above 2 verses certainly describe you and your likes!

Anonymous said...

Amy, that has to be the silliest "argument" anyone ever came up with. Those two verses very much applies to you the other way round because you too can be considered so narrow-minded because you fail to see or are blind in understanding alternative or opposing views. So call it a stalemate. As I said before one can never argue with a religious mind because it is TRAINED not to see anything else. Peace.

x@hu said...

well...... i was going to comment on the ridiculous "how to read a book" book in the post, but it seems as if this comment section has turned into something else entirely.

all you anonymous atheists up there, rationale is not everything. u only have to look at your surroundings to know that there are things that u can never comprehend. i'm all for logic and reason and all that, but there comes a point where u have to draw a line because it simply will not get u any further.

since u place a whole lot of importance on logic and reason, logically speaking, i believe that there has to be a purpose for this, for the universe, for the world, for us being here, and that is what makes me believe in Allah (SWT). u may not see it that way, and unfortunately, that is your loss.

and just for the record, i think control freak has given pretty darn good counter-arguments!! he hasn't ranted and raved like some fanatic, he backed up his arguments with facts and evidence.

@ control freak: u did good, may Allah (SWT) reward you.

Aimee said...

Anonymouse, as I said before, I don't care whether you believe in Islam (and Quran) or not, I just wanted to express my view! And since you bothered to reply on that thinking that was an arguement, then I conclude that you are one of those who create mischief on Earth, who are mentioned in the Quran aswell.You just need the teeniest of issue to create an arguement. I do not want to argue, nor do I want to prove to you anything, cos I feel that Control Freak,(who I believe, knows better than myself) has given strong answers in answer to ur views and arguements!

Iya said...

wow, i wonder how the comments for this post became a fight between these two groups of people. mob mentality. the only one maldivians know.

i found this post absolutely hilarious. i should have been reading this blog long ago. keep it up, dude.