Wednesday, 2 July 2008

Some memorable quotes

I was cleaning my room recently, throwing away the stuff I won't be needing (the MonoBra was one of them) when I came across an empty perfume bottle. If you're wondering why I'd keep an empty perfume bottle, let's just say that organisation has never been my strongest point. Anyway, I sniffed it and there was a very faint smell, a smell that brought back a stampede of memories. It is a scientifically proven fact that smells trigger memories, and this particular perfume reminded me of my first semister at CHSE. So, for your reading pleasure, I decided to put together some unusual stuff people said over the couple of years I spent there. Anything said in Dhivehi has been translated (don't worry though, there isn't much).

The first one was during the orientation week, while Mr Inthiran, who was giving us a few titbits of what to expect during our Physics lessons. After a while, the students at the back row got a little restless and were mostly talking without listening. So he cocked his head slightly, peered at them and uttered: "I see the behind."

"You look so small in that uniform!"
My dear cousin welcomes me to CHSE.

"Where is your father?"
Mr Subramanium congratulates me on finding out my O' level result in Maths.

"See, dative covalent bonds are formed when there's a dative covalent bond in the structure!"
Our Chemistry teacher during the first semister had a tendency to get overexcited at times.

"Sawaadh? That means black, but you're not black!" A classmate of mine finds out the meaning of his name from our Islam teacher.

"I didn't come to school yesterday because I wanted to rest." My then Maths teacher was a really cool guy. He rested every now and then, never got angry and looks, laughs and talks like Baloo, the bear in The Jungle Book. Sometimes I'd imagine him prancing around the class singing The Bear Necessities.

"Aaaaargh!" Me stepping on a rusty 5-inch nail. I've no idea what it was doing there, or how it somehow managed to rip through my shoe. Luckily, I was with three friends of mine. One of them helped me up, the other yanked the nail out and the third took a photo of my shoe. The FBI would've envied them had they seen it.

"What is your index number, boy?"
My Physics teacher struggled and failed to remember my name during the first ever Parent-Teachers meeting. I pointed at my name on his registry and said it aloud. "Here, Sir. I'm [my name]." He glared at me for a second and proceeded.

"Why aren't you wearing socks, boy? Go home and wear socks!" My Physics teacher again. That was the last time the boy was seen at CHSE. He's currently studying at India.

"Why is it that some of you have your middle or surnames as your common names?" Our poor CPE teacher comes to terms with life in Maldives.

"Oh and I almost forgot to ask! Does it snow here in Maldives?" Our CPE teacher asked this to one of her other classes. The students were shocked of course. All they could muster was, "You really don't know, Miss?" To which she replied, "Yes, I never did!"
So then, they decided to be a little mischievous. "It usually snows at the end of November."
"Isn't it a little late for that now?" She said, indicating the scalding October sunshine.
"Yes it is, Miss. Must be global warming..."

"When you resheive your shertificatsh, you're shupposhed to shit in your sheatsh."

"A prefect is a prefect is a prefect."
Inspirational words by the Supervisor in charge of prefects.

She has superpowers too. A classmate of mine had an interesting conversation with her:
"Miss, I had a free period and arm wrestled with someone else and my arm hurts!"
"I'll help you. I have healing powers."
He came back after a while and proudly declared,"I got a massage from Thilakaratne." What the hell??? We asked him not to spread that around for his own sake.

"A bead is anything that has a hole."
Maths teachers were never great at English.

"This school has a huge mango tree. Rumor has it that it's male because no one can ever recall it bearing mangoes." Our Islam teacher sounded wistful.

"Who can tell me a use of chlorine?"
"Sterilizing water, Miss."

"Another use?"
(A pause as we all racked our brains.)
"It was also used in World War II-"
"Yes! To kill people!"

It's always interesting when you make comparisons between teachers who teach the same subject. I noticed a major difference in the attitudes of my Physics teachers during the 2nd semister, and of the last 2 semisters.
Here's how the 2nd sem teacher used to motivate us before exams:
"The exams will be easy. They are not difficult. You just study."
After the exams: "Why didn't you people do well? Exams were very easy."

Mr Laal, our Physics teacher during the 3rd and 4th semisters, used a very different strategy.
Before exams: "Exams are going to be very difficult. Don't think you can stay home and sleep and get full marks."
After: "Most of you got good marks this time. But don't think the papers are going to be easy next time. You will not get good marks by staying at home and sleeping."
I suppose the motivational methods change our attitudes sometimes.

Our Chemistry teacher had a lot of trouble pronouncing our names.
"Shine, get out of the class."
"He's Zain, sir."
"Yes, I said Shine."

"OK tha, Hamdha?"
I don't recall anyone bothering to correct his name. We eventually got used to this.

"Is it clear? Did you understand? OK tha, Meefau?" This was intentional. He started teasing the guy after we discovered that he'd written mini's name on the plaster supporting his broken wrist. Nothing goes unseen during his classes.

He can also display his somewhat humongous ego at times. Here's one such conversation between him and I:
"Sir, Benita Miss told me that I won't get any marks by writing the answer you gave."
"Did she tell you why?"
Then off he went. He rambled on about many similar situations when other Chemistry teachers disagreed with his answers, but how his students managed to get better results during the A' levels and how successful the books he published were.
"They don't even know me at Sri Lanka, but my books are very popular. Some buggers even get rich selling them and buy cars."
And he rambled on and on (I have a tendency to drift off when people talk too much and stare at their mouths) but I was abruptly alerted by what he said next.
"What f****** Chemistry is that?"
I nodded vigorously to show my agreement. It wasn't everyday when we heard teachers swearing in class. To be fair to him, only five students were in attendance.
"Don't trust stupid women," he finished.
"I don't, sir."

"If you go to Egypt, they'll assume you're married." Our Islam teacher, indicating a ring on Thai's hand.

Mr Laal is a different class when it comes to saying unusual stuff. Here are some of his classics:
"Rohan, stop vibrating and do your work."

"Zain what're you doing? Bending ninety degrees!"
He got caught using his phone, if you're wondering.

"Why are you rotating here and there?"
When someone gets caught looking around.

"What's happening? I see a lot of simple harmonic motion today."
Some of us were munching on some nuts when he came.

"Shamin, you have to come to school before everyone else. You ride a blue motorcycle. I know, because I saw."

"Come here and write. Because you're finding it difficult there, small fellow."
Yes, he said that to me. It's hard being titchy sometimes.

He's also a great teacher. His reputation among students soared during the extra class sessions, so much so that the hall would be full during his classes. One day, we were all crammed inside the students room, which is a lot smaller than the hall. Thus it was hot, stuffy and noisy when he arrived. He then declared, "OK, stop talking please. It will get disturbed."
It took me a few seconds to realise that he said the word 'it'. What could It be, I wondered. It could be an extraterrestrial creature, or a big, hairy monster. After a few moments of pondering, the answer flashed in my head like a firecracker. Of course, the Principal's office was right next to the students room! I couldn't suppress the thought of Aamira curled up on her desk, and suddenly lifting her head, sniffing the air twice and then growling, showing yellow, pointed teeth. I am a little weird.

But above everything he said, nothing will beat his description of a ripple tank:
"You've seen a ripple tank when you did your O' levels? You know how it looks like, no? There will be a rod with two balls. A vibrator will also be there. And the balls vibrate and waves will be produ-" he stopped mid-explanation. He went on leave for a week and didn't continue where he left off.


.mini said...

pis pis, how can you remember all those? my memory sucks big time
shine ethi majaa, inthiranves :P
and dho shirly, hehe
eyna ehen kiyaatheeve kanneynge tuitionga nunidhenee :P
nice post
really funny! you actually made my day
off to school

hudhumaa said...

that was FUNNY .. i didnt stop laughin through out the whole thing ... who was ur cpe teacher btw?? ... :P ...

moyameehaa said...

hahaha. very interesting post.i like the last one especially.maybe i should also give this a try.but now i have forgotten most i guess.

.mini: its not hard to keep all this in mind if you talk about it and laugh.well..atleast thats how i dont forget stuff..even from 10 yrs back when i was in skool.but most of our stuff are mixed up with stories we makeup.

bulhaa said...

lol! thanks for the good laugh. needed it.

blueprint said...

the last one was hilarious :P

Spark of Silence said...

haha. shirley dho
CHSE sure was fun