Tuesday, 26 August 2008

The most random post in the world

It's that month of the year again! Yes, Ramazan is here and I would like to wish you all Ramazan Mubarik before proceeding with anything else. Have a great month and be good now, all of you!
I thought I will just write whatever came to my mind while typing this post, so it's something like a compilation of my thoughts. Let's call it a Ramazan special!

First of all, why do barbers charge more for adults than children? I always get baffled whenever I go for a haircut and check the notice that displays the prices.

Adults: Rf. 20
Children: Rf. 15
Shaving: Rf. 10

From what I've observed, kids usually have more hair. Yet many adults sporting the Homer Simpson hairstyle are charged more! But I suppose it makes sense in a way as some men tend to get really sensitive about their hair when they reach their forties. I'm not sure if people are going to be too pleased if they're told,

"Since you don't have much hair, sir, you'll be charged a mere 2 Rufiyaa."

Oh and they still charge me as a kid! I don't really mind though, it saves me five Rufiyaa...

Sticking to the subject of hair, let's talk about the position of hair in front of school Supervisors. They just hate hair. During my time at Dharumavantha, days when I didn't observe long-haired blokes and/or guys with "excessive" facial hair being forced to line up in front of the Supervisors room were rare. They even hired a barber during certain times of the year to force some of the unruly to cut their hair. I thought CHSE would be a little more relaxed in their approach; I couldn't have been more mistaken. The supervisors AND many teachers just loathed the sight of long hair and the stubble that is visible enough when some people go without shaving for a few days. "Go home, shave and come back!" was frequently heard throughout the school. Most people obeyed the "Go home" part with thinly disguised glee.

And now, we'll talk about today's most popular social networking website; Facebook! After careful research and evaluation, I managed to divide the users to the following categories:

- The Loner: Adds anyone in sight as a friend. This user has a point to prove: to declare that he/she is not one of those sad people who spend excessive amounts of time in front of their computers registering themselves at various social networking sites and obtaining E-mail addresses of people they've no clue about, which is basically the only way they make friends. Loners are rather easily distinguishable. Firstly, they aren't very well-known amongst people of their own age. Secondly, they have way too many people on their Friends list. And lastly, check their basic profile and see if they're looking for A Relationship and/or Dating. If you observe all these points then bingo! That's a Loner alright! Oh, and most stalkers are Loners.

- The Narcissist: A rather peculiar species, as they love to take photos of themselves. You can tell they're photos of themselves when you see part of their outstretched arm in the photo. They also have rather large profile picture albums full of, yup you guessed it, photos of themselves. The photos are usually edited so much that they look nothing like The Narcissists really do, but resembles themselves the way they like to think they look. This video might give you an idea. Some of them think they look so hideous that they put up pictures of famous good-looking people instead.

- The Rebel: You need to check the groups they have joined to identify these folks. You'll see groups such as "If the admins don't delete X Group immediately I'm quitting Facebook" or "Bring back X User's account!" in abundance. Rebels usually get along with each other very well so they're usually harmless.

- The Addict: Easily the most annoying type. It might take a few hours for the profile page of an Addict to load due to their tendency to add worthless applications. The worst thing about them is that they send requests to add these applications every single day. I always dread signing in and reading the "You have 268 invitations". And they're online all the time! Get out and see the real world for heavens sake!

- Mr/Ms Touchy-Feely: The kind of people who add applications such as Hugs, and also Pokes you often. I stay away from these sort of people in real life, as it would be rather awkward to have yourself poked and violated all the time.

- The Celebrity: I'm talking about the celebrities in real life. They love to live under the illusion that everyone loves them, but their friends lists may be proof that it's not an illusion at all! Wrong! They're just popular and users such as The Loners, Narcissists and Addicts love to associate themselves with the popular folk. In fact, some Celebrities may be classified as Narcissists due to their unhealthy interest in creating their own fan clubs and inviting others to join them. They're all crazy.

Most of us adjust our privacy settings so that only people who're added as our friends can view our profile pages, which is also the reason why I get baffled when some people accept friend requests from absolutely anyone. Rather defeats the purpose of those privacy settings, eh? Sometimes I'd receive messages from people I have no idea about begging me to add them.
"Hi how r u? i hope ur havin a great time.. hey can u be my friend plz? c ya.."
Of course, I can't respond without giving away my basic profile, so I do nothing. It's a shame, really as I occasionally like to exercise sarcasm on people.

Now for a completely different subject; funny doctors!
Yeah, doctors are an unusual breed. They are amongst the few people in this world who actually want people to get sick. How else are they going to make money?? Here're a few of their thoughts you'll be able to interpret by their actions next time you visit a doc:

As you enter the room, the doctor flashes you a kindly smile.
"This better be a good one. Something juicy, I hope, like an incurable illness. Incurable, hahahaha they all still fall for it..."

"I'm afraid you'll have to stay here overnight. The prognosis doesn't look good."
"At least I hope so. If you stay here longer, I get more money. Hopefully I'll be able to collect enough to go abroad and spend a well-earned holiday with my family."

"The tests came out negative for tuberculosis. We'll have to make you undergo a full-body scan I'm afraid. If you're willing to, of course."
"Please, please you have to accept this offer! I'm running out of excuses to keep you here any longer. A full-body scan will give me enough cash to chill out at a resort. Of course I hope that you're idiotic enough to not realise that you're only suffering from a common cold..."

"Great news! You're all cured and ready to go home!"
"Damn! I suppose the holiday's off then..."

Doctors get really cranky when they're made to work overtime. I fell victim to one such doctor earlier this year. Many of her patients took an awfully long time so that she had to remain at work an hour past her scheduled finishing time. I was the last patient.
So I entered her room and flashed her a smile. She did not return it. It was clear that she didn't want to remain there for even a second and she made everything really brief. She also spoke utter nonsense.
"What's wrong with your ear?"
"It keeps getting blocked every now and then. I had this problem a while back and had myself checked."
"When your ear gets blocked, do you have trouble hearing?"
Duh.

There were other similar experiences. Like this one, which happened three Ramazans ago. I caught a nasty "stomach bug" (I don't remember the real medical term) and had to visit this doctor who thought I didn't speak English. In reality, I was unable to comprehend anything she said due to her unusual accent.
"Are yu havin' badhi pens?"
"What?"
"Badhi pens? Yu hav' badhi pens?"
The lady sitting next to her had to translate this. She was talking about 'body pains'. How was I supposed to know?
She also advised me to take my pills after meals.
"Do not take your pills while fasting."
I'll not Duh her. Let's be fair, she wasn't a Muslim after all.

So there you go! If you liked this, I might consider posting a similar one, like an Eid special...
Anyway, enjoy the month and be careful of how much you eat! That way you won't gain weight during Ramazan. Yes some people actually complain about this. Gaining weight during the fasting month! Ridiculous!

5 comments:

david santos said...

Great!!!
Congratulations.

david santos said...

Olá!
Seu português é bom e entende-se muito bem.
Parabéns.

Anda a estudar português? Diga-me, por favor. É que eu também não escrevo muito bem inglês.
Abraços.

Control Freak said...

Estudei um pouquinho de espanhol por conta própria e descobriu que é uma linguagem que é muito semelhante a português. É sempre bom ser multilingüe :)

.mini said...

you jumped from one topic to the other
hehe
well, i have nothing more to say :S

have a great ramazan ^.^

Waylander said...

Tho its quite late, Ramazan Mubarik to u too :D

Mannn, I do miss blogosphere sumtyms..